Dating cliches long walks on the beach

All of the following are based on actual openers from dating profiles I have perused over the years.

“I’m kind of like a Charlotte in the daytime and a bit of a Carrie on a night out. How about whichever one would be least likely to sleep with YOU?

Do people really choose potential partners based, above all else, on a fondness for walking farther than the end of the road and back? If you were birthed in the modern world, however, get with the programme and quit this fake bemusement with the internet like you’re a maiden aunt seeing a pair of crotchless knickers for the first time.

Let the ‘long walk’ conversation come out on the first date, if it really must at all. I DO like honesty and fidelity.” I’m not sure you’re being entirely honest about the “fun” part, are you?

Notice how any of the so-called couples don’t seem to have been together that long? “If I can tell you’re gay when you first walk into the room, we probably won’t get on.” Well, I guess I had better leave my feather boa, Judy Garland tapes and tight lurex vests at home on our first date, and sit tight and try to be all manly on my fun evening out with a massively insecure homophobe.

An irreversible wedge forever between them thanks to a passion for clothes that look like they were designed by committee. “Be prepared to lie if anyone asks where we met.” Oh, I *will*! The thing with douchebags like this is that, more often than not, they’re as big a Kylie obsessive as the rest of us – they just think it makes them, and us, a bad person.

However, while a romantic walk might last for half an hour or an hour before, presumably, moving on towards another activity, Randall suggests he likes walks that last several hours or even overnight, suggesting potential mates bring a tent to camp out in.

[A computer monitor displays the profile of a man named Randall on an online dating site.

His profile contains a picture of a spiky-haired man and some text, which is rendered as dialogue in the panels.] Randall: When I say long walks on the beach, I mean LONG walks on the beach.

I've met people through these services who CLAIM to like long walks on the beach.

But we'll be out there barely an hour before they start in with "I'm tired" and "Don't you think it's time we head back?

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