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"Maybe there's a fear of mortality when men watch women age," London suggests, "and that it's just too much of a mirror."For a man, an older partner is a constant reminder of his own age.He cannot pretend he's still 30 when he's waking up next to a 50-year-old woman. She helps to stave off his own fear of aging and mortality.We would certainly enhance the lives and relationships we have now, particularly the relationships with ourselves.And it wouldn't be so shocking when a middle-aged man dates an older, rather than younger, woman. We don't see ourselves reflected in our partner, per se; we see ourselves reflected in our partner's eyes.
So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating.And perhaps if men were less afraid of their own mortality, they wouldn't gravitate towards younger women, and older women would retain their social value.Now, I'm not saying that every May-December relationship is born of a fear of death, any more than every other relationship is born of true compatibility.We women assimilate men's attitudes and channel them into our own panic about getting older, so our fear of aging is far more visible.But perhaps men fear aging just as much, or more than, us.But it is worth deconstructing the unconscious forces behind our choices, particularly when they impact so profoundly on self esteem and social status.If we all focused on accepting the finite nature of life, and of valuing every stage of our lives, perhaps we would find ourselves making different decisions.If he sees us as aging and undesirable, we internalise that, too.A man is only as young as the woman he feels, but a woman is only as young as a man sees her to be.If a man can wake up next to a woman a decade or two younger, he can convince himself that he is still young.Interestingly, because we women have "internalised the male gaze", the opposite can be true for us.